Bullying

Everyone involved in looking after children shares responsibility for countering bullying and for creating a culture which positively encourages acceptable behaviour and reduces or prevents the likelihood of bullying.

Remember bullying can have a detrimental effect on a child’s wellbeing and can lead to poor self-esteem, depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Foster carers must take bullying seriously.

As a foster carer you should look out for signs of bullying and should take steps to prevent it.

Your Safer Caring Family Agreement should address bullying and cover:

• Putting in place clear rules within the house that bullying is not acceptable and what actions will be taken if you suspect bullying or are told of bullying happening;
• Making it clear to children what is acceptable behaviour;
• Providing opportunities for children to think about the issue of bullying e.g. writing stories or poems or drawing pictures about bullying;
• Having discussions about bullying and why it matters;
• Being good role models as foster carers.

Many  Looked After Children experience bullying at school, in the local area and sometimes from other children in the foster home.

Anti-bullying principles

• Everyone has the right to live, work and play free from fear, harassment, intimidation or violence;
• Everyone has the right to be treated with respect and to have their individual qualities and contributions recognised and valued;
• Bullying in any form is not acceptable and should not be condoned;
• Everyone has a responsibility to work together to stop bullying – parents, foster carers, staff, teachers and children and young people.

Bullying can include:

• Emotional - being unfriendly, excluding, tormenting (e.g. hiding possessions, threatening gestures);
• Physical - pushing, kicking, hitting, punching or any use of violence;
• Racist - racial taunts, graffiti, gestures;
• Sexual - unwanted physical contact or sexually abusive comments and harassment;
• Homophobic or remarks about gender identity - because of, or focusing on the issue of sexuality;
• Verbal - name-calling, sarcasm, spreading rumours, teasing;
• Cyberbullying- e.g. using mobile phones, social media or gaming platformsto intimidate or bully others.

See also: School and Education Procedure and Internet, Photographs and Mobile Phones Procedure.

Useful resource to help distinguish between bullying, teasing, conflict and mean moment:

Some signs of bullying can be:

• Not wanting to go to school;
• Unexplained bruises;
• Torn clothing;
• Physical injuries;
• Impact on school attendance;
• Change in school achievement;
• Being nervous, losing confidence, or becoming distressed and withdrawn;
• Problems with eating or sleeping;
• Bullying others;
• Need for extra money;
• Continually losing belongings;
• Problems sleeping;
• Sudden loss of appetite;
• Problems at nursery/school/ college/placement;
• Withdrawn behaviour or temper tantrums;
• Unusually hungry at the end of the school day (lunch money being taken);
• Rushing to the bathroom after school (fear of going to the school toilets);
• Self harming;
• Child appears worried by messages on phone;
• Child is reluctant to travel home alone and insists on being collected by foster carers. Children who are bullied often look for alternative routes to and from school;
• The child’s possessions are lost and their work is either destroyed or defaced. Sometimes school clothing may go missing or possessions are broken;
• The child is continually asking for money and tells the foster carers that the money has been lost or used for unlikely purposes. It may have been stolen or used to buy things to placate the bully;
• Child appears worried by messages on phone;
• A child may addicted to a device/ have a compulsion to being online, as scared in case bullies turn on them. I must be watching at all times to know what is going on. Who has my back? There are not always overt signs and teachers and other adults need to be aware of the less obvious clues, for example a child may ask to sit next to someone else in class or carefully avoid contact with certain children.

The bullying may be because:

• The child feels and/or appears different. School life can highlight difference, they may arrive at school by taxi, they may not be able to take part in after school clubs, and they may be withdrawn from some lessons to attend meetings;
• The child may not be achieving as well as others in their class;
• The child may have had lots of moves of carer or school;
• The child may not have a friendship group;
• The child may not want others to know that they are looked after;
• The child may feel isolated and think they have no-one to talk to at school;
• Difficult and distressing life experiences may have left the child with poor self-esteem and a lack of coping mechanisms.

Bullying within the home environment

If you have any concerns that incidents of bullying have happened between children within the foster home or that a child may be a victim of bullying or is being a bully, you must discuss this with your Supervising Social Worker, who should advise you on what actions are necessary to reduce or prevent it. They will decide whether to inform the child's social worker.

When bullying occurs within the foster home it may be appropriate to call a meeting, preferably with the child or children, to discuss ways to prevent or reduce the bullying. Please also ensure your diary sheet recordings reflect any incidents or concerns in relation to bullying. 

The outcomes of the meeting may include the following:

• The bully (bullies) may be asked to apologise;
• In serious cases, some form of sanction/consequences will be considered;
• If possible, the children should be encouraged to make friends;
• After the incident has been dealt with, you should monitor the situation to make sure that bullying does not happen again.

Foster carers should:

• Obtain a copy of the bullying policy for the school that the foster child attends;
• Be alert to signs of distress that might indicate that a foster child is being bullied;
• Give clear messages to all foster children about the unacceptability of bullying;
• Ensure that their methods of managing and sanctioning foster children’s behaviour do not contain any elements of bullying;
• Find opportunities to promote the foster child’s self esteem.

Ensure that you have open conversations with children about the online world and build on their digital resilience. The Digital in Care Team provide mandatory training for foster carers on Online Safety and host various webinars including one on cyberbullying.

Create an account on the Digital Hive website which has training, resources, signposting and support around the online world including a page of resources on cyberbullying

Make sure children know how to report and block on the platforms they use – there is guidance for this on the Digital Hive.

East Sussex Fostering Service will:

• Provide input on bullying in the preparation and training of foster carers;
• Ensure that foster carers are aware of their responsibility to report any incidence of bullying of or by a foster child;
• Assist foster carers in developing strategies to deal with any incidences of bullying within the home and in supporting strategies implemented by the foster child’s school;
• Signpost to the Virtual School for additional support where needed;
• Ensure that the voice of the foster child is central to any action taken to address incidences of bullying.

More about Cyberbullying

Bullying verses Cyberbullying

Both involve intent to harm and targeted aggression towards the victim, have similar underlying dynamics and have significant and similar impact on people – varies from low self-esteem, isolation and withdrawal to generalised anxiety, depression and suicide.

Anonymity: is a key distinguishing feature of cyberbullying – serves as a protective veil which can keep perpetrators hidden.  Anonymity undermines interpersonal trust and sense of personal safety, generates fundamental insecurity which can lead to persistent and pervasive fear and sense of insecurity that influences victim’s social and interpersonal relationships. In 2021 37% of teenagers had said things online that they would not say in person

Power imbalance: In offline bullying, physical stature (size, physical strength, or attractiveness) or social standing (wealth, popularity) usually main sources of bully’s power. None of these are needed in cyberbullying. Power in cyberbullying can be technical knowledge, online social capital, perceived or imagined virtual power.

Transcending time and space – ability to contact anyone, anywhere, anytime if there is access to the internet. Face to face bullying requires the presence of the bully and victim. Cyberbullying does not and can become 24-7 cycle.  Cyberbullying violates the victim’s sense of self and social identity sense of nowhere is safe from the bully’s presence

Top tips if a child/young person tells you they are being cyberbullied:

• Listen to their experiences and ask them if they have told anyone else;
• Reassure them it is not their fault;
• Work out the next steps together and help them feel in control of the situation;
• Ask if they would like help to talk to their school and offer to role play how they might respond to individuals bullying them if they go to the same school;
• Find out if they know how to report and block the individuals and offer to support them do this.

• Take seriously any incidence of bullying involving a foster child and inform the foster child’s social worker;
• Agree with the foster child’s social worker who will be responsible for informing the school (when relevant);
• Ensure that the foster child is able to express their wishes and feelings about how to proceed;
• Work within an agreed strategy to address bullying of or by a foster child in their care;
• Give time and space daily to the child/young person to check how things are going for them and encourage them to talk about their day, seeking to identify whether things are better, still persisting or worse for them;
• Continue to act on the advice from the child's social worker and other professionals on ways to help build the child's self-esteem;
• Help the child think about what to say to help explain why they are living with foster carers;
• Encourage friendships and invite school friends home. There is strength in numbers. Bullies may target a child who is alone;
• Build coping skills. Problem - solve difficult situations and practice what you might do;
• Do not reject a child who is a bully; reject the behaviour. Explain how the behaviour makes other children unhappy and help them develop other ways to feel better about themselves and to express how they feel;
• Give the child praise each time they help you or are kind to someone;
• Speak to the child's social worker and make an arrangement for both of you to see the child's class teacher or year head;
• Make sure that you and the other people are good role models.

Children can be reluctant to report bullying for fear of reprisal or because they think they will not be listened to. You must make a point of talking to children about bullying in order to help them report it.

When a child says they do not like something which another child/young person, or adult is doing/saying to them, they must be listened to and taken seriously. Even if you do not view the action as serious, the child may.

By law, all state (not private) schools must have a behaviour policy in place that includes measures to prevent all forms of bullying among pupils.

This policy is decided by the school. All teachers, pupils and parents must be told what it is.” (GOV.UK)

Head teachers have legal powers to make sure pupils behave outside of state school premises. This includes bullying that happens anywhere off the school premises, for example on public transport or in a town centre.

You must record all incidents of bullying in the daily records of the child who is the alleged victim and the child who is the alleged bully.

The child's placement plan should then  be reviewed by the workers around the child/young person with a view to incorporating strategies to reduce or prevent future incidents. Specialist support may be considered from outside of the placement to the child or young person  to help them come to terms with what they have experienced and increase their self-esteem.

See also: Recording and Information Sharing Procedure.